How do you handle holidays

When you have a child like Gavin and now possibly Emmett John how do you handle certain situations that typical children need to experience.

Over the years we have learned that Gavin CANNOT handle even mildly stressful situations. He does not handle birthdays well for example. It is way to stimulating. He will be impossible to control for days afterwards sometimes. So we have learned that Gavin just can't have birthday parties. So we have adjust them so that people kind of filter through over the course of the week and he seems to handle that better. Also if we do have a small low key gathering for him (which again is rare) we have it at someone else's house. The reason for that is because we can physically leave the party behind. He seems to respond better to that then having something at home.

This works out well until you have other "typical" kids. Now you have to figure out how to give your "typical" child what he/she deserves and CAN handle without overwhelming the other. We have really struggled with trying to find that balance. Elliott Richard is old enough now that he wants to have people around for his birthday. What do you do when what's best for one is the worst possible thing for the other?

When Gavin gets over stimulated he will meltdown, and I mean meltdown. That tends to put a damper on the day. But if we remove Gavin prior then he feels left out and then we have problems there. It's very difficult to strike a balance. We don't want Elliott Richard to have to give up any more then he has to. His life is already going to be challenging enough with everything going on.

We find that going to families house for Christmas or now Easter usually ends in disaster. Do we split up the family for the holidays and someone stay back with Gavin? Our family always says he fine and they can help but we have to live with him at home.

How have you guys handled situations like this?

LT