I have a call into the bank and I'm sure they will figure it out but until then I have lots of money but it looks like this. "$ -xxx.xx". :(
At least they didn't screw up the business account.
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Showing posts with label Uncategorized. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Uncategorized. Show all posts
Thursday, June 17, 2010
I want a do-over for today
So I go to my mailbox and get a letter from the bank that we over drafted. So I log in to my account to see what happened. I looked over the account and ALL activity. I should have never over drafted. I was never over my limit at all. The over draft or should I say over drafts (4 total) however have caused lots of over drafts themselves.
I have a call into the bank and I'm sure they will figure it out but until then I have lots of money but it looks like this. "$ -xxx.xx". :(
At least they didn't screw up the business account.
I have a call into the bank and I'm sure they will figure it out but until then I have lots of money but it looks like this. "$ -xxx.xx". :(
At least they didn't screw up the business account.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
No More Secrets.
I am so tired of the secrets and drama. Our lives are tough enough without you making things worse. Perhaps the best way to end this, is to simply air this. I will no longer keep your secrets. This is my response to Lizze's biological mother. Who injected herself into our lives of her own free will, only to cause us a tremendous amount of heartache and stress. She chose this path. Her email is in response to my post yesterday about Lizze's health. Her email is unedited I only removed the header to conceal her address. -------------
Rob,
Mary,
I don't know how you live your life like this. Everything you just said in your email were things we are hearing for the first time. You never told us any of that information before. In fact you said there wasn't anything major at all. So how are we to believe you now? What gives you the right to play with people's lives the way you do? You chose to inject yourself into our lives. We welcomed you but respected your boundaries at all times. You befriended and then betrayed my children. What kind of person does that, especially to special needs kids? What is wrong with you? Yes, I'm grateful you didn't kill or "abort" my wife. But what kind of person even says something like that? This agreement you refer to is new information. You said her father didn't know about her.
My wife, YOUR DAUGHTER, is suffering and in constant physical pain every day. They can't figure out what is wrong. My children, YOUR GRANDCHILDREN, are suffering. I would die for anyone of them. I have given up everything I have in order to ease their suffering. I desperately wish their was more that I could do, but I can't fix these things no matter how hard I try. I don't believe I'm a "narcissist" as you have put it. Just because I put my family first doesn't mean I have an agenda or do it for show. It's called being a father and a husband. However, you are entitled to your opinion. I don't understand what would possess you to withhold information that that could make things easier for them? You called her testing an "inconvenience". What kind of "Mother" and I use that term loosely, puts herself before her children? What kind of "Grandmother" and I use that term loosely, puts herself before the health and wellbeing of her grandchildren? What Lizze is living through is not just an "inconvenience". She is in pain and you are a selfish coward for saying that but that is just my opinion and I'm also entitled to it.
The only thing Lizze EVER,EVER asked of you was the truth. She didn't need YOU, just the truth. She needed it to help Gavin. Perhaps your over inflated sense of self worth clouded your judgment. Let me make this VERY CLEAR to you. WE DO NOT NEED YOU. We invited you into our lives because you were family. We had no expectations for you. We are and were grateful that you made the choice to give Lizze up for adoption. Not one person EVER looked down on you for that except maybe yourself.
We know you set us up with Trisha and John. Why did you want to pit us against each other? Trisha and John aren't perfect parents and they have made mistakes but so have we. We aren't perfect parents either. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. You are a great example of that. You used our fear, vulnerability to exploit a situation to your advantage. What kind of sick pleasure do you get out torturing your children? What's worse, without a thought you did this to your grandchildren. They are innocent and should be treated as such. Why do you not want us to be happy? Why do you want to keep adding turmoil to our fragile lives?
You are clearily battling demons of your own creation. You have spun a web of lies through out your life and are now confusing them with reality. Everything is falling apart around you and now everyone knows the truth. I actually pity you. I hope you don't let this whole thing destroy you. You should know we never judged you, not one time. Despite your paranoia, we were never out to get you. We respected you and appreciated you for who you were. We never asked anything of you. Gavin loved you unconditionally also. Now he is left to wonder what he did wrong, again. He will carry this burden for a long time because autistic kids are much more sensitive and don't understand.
My entire family accepted you with open arms into the family. Everyone of them are grateful you made the choices you did back then. Our lives are so fragile and your actions have had a very negative impact on us. It didn't have to be that way. Feel free to continue to read our blogs and observe our lives from the outside because you will NEVER have the privilege of viewing them form the inside again. I'm truly sad to know that my kids will never know you. I'm sad that the kids (and subsequently their families) you gave up for adoption are forever being punished for your paranoia. Is the truth something you really need to take to the grave, as you put it. I pray that we never find ourselves in a life or death situation that only the true medical information can help. I hope you are proud of your choice to "take that to the grave". That is something I will never understand. Perhaps that's because I'm not like you.
I'm not an extremely religious person but I truly believe you will have to answer to God for your actions and he is the only one in a position to judge you. I pray he is more forgiving then I am. We will continue to pray for you. If I have to see a silver lining in this, it would be that we are finding our way back to the church. Lizze and I look forward to meeting with our priest and discussing many things. Amongst them, how to help move our family forward. We also look forward to renewing our wedding vows at church in front of our family and friends. Sadly you won't be counted among them. Despite your efforts to derail our relationship with her sisters and NEWLY discovered brother, I know they will prevail. They are not like you and I'm truly grateful for that. I don't believe we will ever get the truth from you. I don't even think you know what the truth is anymore.
So this is over....
Rob,
For your information I gave Lizze all the medical information I had the first time she contacted me.
My father was one of twelve. To the best of my knowledge, and it is the only knowledge I have, the predominant medical conditions were cancers in many forms and heart conditions.
None of my nieces or nephews has any of the problems your boys seem to be suffering and no one has the problems Lizze has.
I gave her all the medical information I had at the time of her birth concerning her sperm donor. I have not kept in touch with him per our agreement for my not having an abortion.
After 30+ years perhaps things have changed medically for them as they have in my own family but I have no way of knowing that.
My decisions remain as they are and will remain so for the remainder of my life. I chose to give Lizze life rather than abort her. That is the bottom line. She is alive perhaps you can find a way to see that as a blessing. I'm sorry for the inconvenience of her testing but many of us suffer the same way.
---------------------------------------------------
This is my response. I have not addressed this issue until now. I am choosing to do it this way so nothing I say can be twisted and manipulated into something it's not. I truly don't think there is another way to put this to rest. My wife and kids deserve to be defended.
------------------
Mary,
I don't know how you live your life like this. Everything you just said in your email were things we are hearing for the first time. You never told us any of that information before. In fact you said there wasn't anything major at all. So how are we to believe you now? What gives you the right to play with people's lives the way you do? You chose to inject yourself into our lives. We welcomed you but respected your boundaries at all times. You befriended and then betrayed my children. What kind of person does that, especially to special needs kids? What is wrong with you? Yes, I'm grateful you didn't kill or "abort" my wife. But what kind of person even says something like that? This agreement you refer to is new information. You said her father didn't know about her.
My wife, YOUR DAUGHTER, is suffering and in constant physical pain every day. They can't figure out what is wrong. My children, YOUR GRANDCHILDREN, are suffering. I would die for anyone of them. I have given up everything I have in order to ease their suffering. I desperately wish their was more that I could do, but I can't fix these things no matter how hard I try. I don't believe I'm a "narcissist" as you have put it. Just because I put my family first doesn't mean I have an agenda or do it for show. It's called being a father and a husband. However, you are entitled to your opinion. I don't understand what would possess you to withhold information that that could make things easier for them? You called her testing an "inconvenience". What kind of "Mother" and I use that term loosely, puts herself before her children? What kind of "Grandmother" and I use that term loosely, puts herself before the health and wellbeing of her grandchildren? What Lizze is living through is not just an "inconvenience". She is in pain and you are a selfish coward for saying that but that is just my opinion and I'm also entitled to it.
The only thing Lizze EVER,EVER asked of you was the truth. She didn't need YOU, just the truth. She needed it to help Gavin. Perhaps your over inflated sense of self worth clouded your judgment. Let me make this VERY CLEAR to you. WE DO NOT NEED YOU. We invited you into our lives because you were family. We had no expectations for you. We are and were grateful that you made the choice to give Lizze up for adoption. Not one person EVER looked down on you for that except maybe yourself.
We know you set us up with Trisha and John. Why did you want to pit us against each other? Trisha and John aren't perfect parents and they have made mistakes but so have we. We aren't perfect parents either. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. You are a great example of that. You used our fear, vulnerability to exploit a situation to your advantage. What kind of sick pleasure do you get out torturing your children? What's worse, without a thought you did this to your grandchildren. They are innocent and should be treated as such. Why do you not want us to be happy? Why do you want to keep adding turmoil to our fragile lives?
You are clearily battling demons of your own creation. You have spun a web of lies through out your life and are now confusing them with reality. Everything is falling apart around you and now everyone knows the truth. I actually pity you. I hope you don't let this whole thing destroy you. You should know we never judged you, not one time. Despite your paranoia, we were never out to get you. We respected you and appreciated you for who you were. We never asked anything of you. Gavin loved you unconditionally also. Now he is left to wonder what he did wrong, again. He will carry this burden for a long time because autistic kids are much more sensitive and don't understand.
My entire family accepted you with open arms into the family. Everyone of them are grateful you made the choices you did back then. Our lives are so fragile and your actions have had a very negative impact on us. It didn't have to be that way. Feel free to continue to read our blogs and observe our lives from the outside because you will NEVER have the privilege of viewing them form the inside again. I'm truly sad to know that my kids will never know you. I'm sad that the kids (and subsequently their families) you gave up for adoption are forever being punished for your paranoia. Is the truth something you really need to take to the grave, as you put it. I pray that we never find ourselves in a life or death situation that only the true medical information can help. I hope you are proud of your choice to "take that to the grave". That is something I will never understand. Perhaps that's because I'm not like you.
I'm not an extremely religious person but I truly believe you will have to answer to God for your actions and he is the only one in a position to judge you. I pray he is more forgiving then I am. We will continue to pray for you. If I have to see a silver lining in this, it would be that we are finding our way back to the church. Lizze and I look forward to meeting with our priest and discussing many things. Amongst them, how to help move our family forward. We also look forward to renewing our wedding vows at church in front of our family and friends. Sadly you won't be counted among them. Despite your efforts to derail our relationship with her sisters and NEWLY discovered brother, I know they will prevail. They are not like you and I'm truly grateful for that. I don't believe we will ever get the truth from you. I don't even think you know what the truth is anymore.
So this is over....
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Some news on Emmett John
Today has been a really rough. We got Emmett John to see his pediatrician today to follow up. Turns out the hospital missed quite a bit. This is what we learned.
His nose is broken but doesn't require surgery at this point. The biggest thing was the bruising behind his ears. I heard that and got sick to my stomach. That is a sign of intracranial bleeding. He said he is concerned about major internal head injury. Dr. H said on a scale of 1-10 he is worried at about a 6. Emmett John is doing fine after 24 hours so most likely all will be fine. We have to watch him closely over the next few days. If we notice anything at all he goes straight to the ER.
Gavin had a perfect day at school but struggled at home. Elliott Richard is fairly traumatized after watching his baby brother fall down the steps. He was so brave. After it happened he calmly came upstairs and told me that Emmett John fell down the steps and needed my help. Elliott Richard was ok till I told him that I was taking Emmett John to the hospital. He began sobbing hysterically. He was so scared for Emmett John. He is my sweet little angel. We must be doing something right because Elliott Richard is turning out pretty good.
Lizze and I are both still sick but still alive. Lizze has really been struggling with her pain the past few days.
I wish she could catch a break.
I have been better but also worse. I just wish I was in a better physical condition (mainly my back). I would be able to do more then whàt I can do now.
LT
His nose is broken but doesn't require surgery at this point. The biggest thing was the bruising behind his ears. I heard that and got sick to my stomach. That is a sign of intracranial bleeding. He said he is concerned about major internal head injury. Dr. H said on a scale of 1-10 he is worried at about a 6. Emmett John is doing fine after 24 hours so most likely all will be fine. We have to watch him closely over the next few days. If we notice anything at all he goes straight to the ER.
Gavin had a perfect day at school but struggled at home. Elliott Richard is fairly traumatized after watching his baby brother fall down the steps. He was so brave. After it happened he calmly came upstairs and told me that Emmett John fell down the steps and needed my help. Elliott Richard was ok till I told him that I was taking Emmett John to the hospital. He began sobbing hysterically. He was so scared for Emmett John. He is my sweet little angel. We must be doing something right because Elliott Richard is turning out pretty good.
Lizze and I are both still sick but still alive. Lizze has really been struggling with her pain the past few days.
I wish she could catch a break.
I have been better but also worse. I just wish I was in a better physical condition (mainly my back). I would be able to do more then whàt I can do now.
LT
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Another long night......
Last night was another long night. Emmett John woke up about 3:30 am screaming again. We couldn't do much of anything to console him. I wish I knew what was going on. Lizze ended up taking him downstairs about 4:00 am. She is upstairs now with him sleeping. These nights are killing us....
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Autism and school
School was a nightmare today. Gavin had to go to the office at least twice today. He did not have a good day. We tried to talk to him about it but he "couldn't" remember.
I wish I knew what the motivation for his actions were. He says he can't help it but I don't know whether I can believe him. It really looks like he's making a lot of bad choices. I know he's not being truthful when he says he can't remember if he went to the office today. Or maybe he is and we are dealing with multiples, which has been suggested in the past. Which would explain why he doesn't remember. Most likely he thinks he is going to get in trouble even though we tell him he's not.
I don't know what to do anymore. But we just spent the last hour trying to understand what happened today. We already got the cliffnotes version from his teachers but we wanted to hear it from him. My head hurts and my chest is heavy. If I had the energy, I would just go beat my head into the wall until I blacked out. This is so frustrating.
LT
I wish I knew what the motivation for his actions were. He says he can't help it but I don't know whether I can believe him. It really looks like he's making a lot of bad choices. I know he's not being truthful when he says he can't remember if he went to the office today. Or maybe he is and we are dealing with multiples, which has been suggested in the past. Which would explain why he doesn't remember. Most likely he thinks he is going to get in trouble even though we tell him he's not.
I don't know what to do anymore. But we just spent the last hour trying to understand what happened today. We already got the cliffnotes version from his teachers but we wanted to hear it from him. My head hurts and my chest is heavy. If I had the energy, I would just go beat my head into the wall until I blacked out. This is so frustrating.
LT
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
So far so good
Lizze and Emmett John took a 4 hour well deserved nap. I in turn, got to hang out with Elliott Richard. We had fun, didn't do much, but we had fun.
Picked up Gavin from school he did really well today. He got frustrated and was hitting himself again but at least he wasn't hitting anyone else :)
Gavin and I had to run some errands before going home and he did really well with that also. He walked into people while at the store but that's par for the course. I can live with that.
Now it's getting close to dinner.
Picked up Gavin from school he did really well today. He got frustrated and was hitting himself again but at least he wasn't hitting anyone else :)
Gavin and I had to run some errands before going home and he did really well with that also. He walked into people while at the store but that's par for the course. I can live with that.
Now it's getting close to dinner.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Leak fixed: Mission Accomplished
Fixed the leak. But have to pull it apart in the morning cause I forgot to tape the threads.
It's Raining (in my freaking kitchen) UPDATE
So I pulled apart the top of the tub to check out the plumbing. Turns out that is may not be so tough after all. Now it's just finding the correct parts and taking it apart. Not much room to work.
The main problem is finding the money and deciding if we replace the whole setup. Lizze needs something with easier handles because it hurts to use the handles on this set up.
Been looking on line but I think I'll just have to go to the depot.
The main problem is finding the money and deciding if we replace the whole setup. Lizze needs something with easier handles because it hurts to use the handles on this set up.
Been looking on line but I think I'll just have to go to the depot.
It's Raining Up In Here
So we got up this morning and trying to get things done when we notice it's raining on us. So what, you say. Well the problem is that I happen to be standing in my freaking kitchen. The leak in the bath tub faucet upstairs apparently has decided to become worse through out the night. Now it's leaking through the kitchen ceiling. When it rains it pours....
Rob
Rob
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
A moment of peace
I could live in these moments forever. Emmett John is peaceful and resting. I cherish moments like these...
LT
LT
Saturday, March 27, 2010
To help put things into perspective........
I thought I would post this. This is the letter I wrote to the judge about Gavin's adoption. I know the content of this blog is not uplifting very often so I thought I would share this letter I wrote to the judge. Things weren't always this bad. I often return to this letter to help me put things into perspective.........
I removed any identifying information.......
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does it mean to be a father?
I have been asked the question, Why do I want to adopt Gavin?
This should be very simple to answer but it is not. There is so much going on in our lives that I do not really know how to answer this question anymore. In truth I have been working on this letter for quite some time. There is so much joy and pain involved in writing this. I wanted to take my time and do right by Gavin, so here it goes.
Let me start by introducing myself, I am Rob. I am almost 30 years old today. I am a husband of 5 years to my amazing wife Lizze and a father to my two miracle babies Elliott Richard (2 years) and Emmett John (7 weeks). I met Lizze a few months before September 11, 2001. I was at the tail end of paramedic school and about to suffer a major, life changing back injury. We met each other while walking our dogs at the park. There was a connection right away. We waited a while before I met Gavin.
The first time I met him was at Meldrum’s, a restaurant in Mas....... I met them there for dinner. Gavin and I bonded instantly. This was uncommon for him as he was very shy. While we sat there coloring and waiting for our food he spilled an entire glass of ice cold lemonade in my lap. Lizze thought for sure I was gone after that. I never really told her but that was the moment I fell in love with her. We were married about 2 years later.
Since the day I met Gavin I have taken responsibility for every aspect of his life. Not because I had to, because I wanted to. Lizze and I have raised him together since then.
What does it mean to be a father?
I would like to introduce you to Gavin now. Gavin is 8 years and 7 months today. He is a sweet, compassionate, loving and selfless little boy whom I’ve had the privilege of raising as my own since he was about 1 1/2 years old. Gavin loves to build with his Lego’s and draw his comic books. Gavin has been through more in his short time on this Earth then most people will in a life time. He has been the middle of a tug of war for almost 8 years. We have fought very hard to shield him from this, insure his best interests and to get him the help he needs, which most recently included a DNA case in S.....County Family Court against Gavin’s biological father and paternal grandmother; which was triggered by Gavin’s doctors.
Gavin was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome in 2005 by Dr. Lee....lds and A....Children’s Hospital. Asperger’s is a form of Autism. Gavin has also been diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD, OCD, and Sensory Integration Disorder. Recently we have been treating him for bipolar disorder as well. Every day is literally a struggle to survive. Gavin is emotionally about 3 years of age. We live in a world where Gavin “melts down” over everything. As he gets bigger and stronger he is getting much more difficult to manage. Words cannot describe how difficult this summer has been. He was extremely difficult to manage and has more recently become very violent. Gavin hurts himself when he gets angry or frustrated. He is very dangerous to be around when he is raging. We have built our lives around Gavin’s needs. Meeting Gavin’s needs requires great sacrifice from all of us. We have involved every available means of support in order meet his needs. This is extremely difficult to do because what’s best for Gavin is rarely what’s best for Emmett and Elliott. Finding a balance that allows us to keep everyone safe is very challenging.
We have once again begun discussing a residential treatment program for medical stabilization with his doctors because we have to ensure the safety of everyone in the house, including Gavin. When things are out of his control, he panics and lashes out but he would never hurt anyone on purpose. That being said, when he lashes out and melts down, anyone and anything in his path will be collateral damage. We have been working with Dr. Patti ........and Dr. R....ds (for years) to try to stabilize him. For several years we were taking Gavin to 5 or 6 appointments per week.
His Doctors have told us many times that we have done everything that we can possibly do for him. They constantly re-assure us and help us get up back up when things get really bad and we begin to doubt ourselves. We have found a very delicate balance in our lives that has allowed us to tread water. This balance has required great sacrifice on our part. Gavin can rarely be taken anywhere because of his behaviors. We need multiple baby sitters if Lizze and I ever leave to go anywhere (which rarely happens). He has no real friends because he cannot connect with other children and because it isn’t safe for them. He struggles with most social situations and really struggles with expressing himself. We do our best to provide him with a safe environment where ever he goes. We do all of this and more for him while still keeping the best interests of our other 2 children at the forefront of our minds. Things are extremely difficult but we pull together as a family and we push forward because no one gets left behind. Elliott in many ways has become Gavin’s “big brother”. We have worked so hard to give Gavin a chance to live a quality life and reach his potential. We have found him a great school. He attends S....... Academy. Every one of the teachers and staff are angels. They have made such a difference in his life as well as our own. Lizze and I are very active in the school as she is the president of the PTA. All of this has helped manage the situation but as terrible as it sounds the Gavin we knew died many years ago. What is left is a little boy who is lost in his own imagination. A little boy who rarely makes any real connections with anyone. A child who struggles in every aspect of his life. We no longer live in the same place at the same time, if that makes sense.
I cannot begin to describe the pain of losing a child to Autism. I catch myself thinking back to when he was little. I try to remember if there was something I missed. Have I failed him? What could I have done differently? I always come to the same one wish. I wish I could go back to when he was 2 or 3 and I took him fishing for the first time at Pr.... Park. He caught a blue gill all by himself. He was so proud and so happy that day. That is the day I always return to. That was one the best and worst days of my life all at the same time. It was great because we had so much fun and I was so proud of him. We were connected that day. We were in the same place at the same time. It was the worst day because that was the last day I can remember we had like that. He began slipping away after that (although we were not sure why at the time). I wish I could go back and make that day last just a little while longer. I wish I would have known that would be one of the last times we would have to spend together in that place. That place where we were connected and he knew I loved him. I wish I could have said goodbye. It seems like the next day I woke up and everything was different. I am really struggling to write this because I try not to think about those days because I cannot stop crying. It hurts to cry anymore. I miss him so much.
Even though I live with him every day we are not connected the same way anymore. Gavin likes to spend his time alone in his room working on his Lego inventions with his imaginary friends. That seems to make him happy. We are told that Gavin does not perceive things like we do. I often wonder if he knows how much we love him. We tell him all the time but I do not think he gets it. We constantly worry about his future. We worry about everything.
Probably the most difficult part about this whole thing is we know he is still in there. Every once in a while we get a glimpse of him. It’s like he’s trapped inside the fog but sometimes he fights his way through and we get our little boy back. These glimpses last only a few moments and before you realize it they are gone. Patti (Dr.....) calls it the Swiss cheese effect. Sometimes all the holes line up and we can see through. We live for those moments. They are few and far between.
I love Gavin for who he is and morn for who he was. I would never try to change him to fit a mold. I try to guide him though his journey as safely as possible. I have been there for him through everything. I have been there for all the nightmares, meltdowns and injuries. I have also been there for all the little victories like brushing his teeth and getting himself dressed for school. I was there for all his karate awards and school plays. I have been to all his appointments and to pick him up from school. I have made sure the tooth fairy does not forget to visit. I make sure he has clothes to wear, food to eat, and a roof over his head. I make sure that the spaghetti sauce does not have any “specks” in it because I know he will not eat it if he sees “specks” of seasoning. I make sure our house is as safe for him as possible. I gave up my career so I could work out of my house because Gavin requires Lizze and me both to be there. I sold most of my possessions so I could give him what he needs. I have made countless sacrifices in my life so I could meet his needs better and be there for him. I live each and every day in constant physical pain because of my back injury but I push through it because my wife and children need me to. We have gone bankrupt in the process. The only help we ever receive is from our families and Gavin’s amazing doctors and teachers. These people amaze us because they don’t have to get into the trenches with us but they do anyway because Gavin has touched their lives. We have received no help from his biological father. Gavin’s father is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He has shown up to court in S...... County twice over the legal limit and has 2 DUI’s. He has yet to our knowledge completed any drug and alcohol counseling and or treatment. He also did not complete his DNA case plan after almost 2years. This is why Jobs and Families finally moved to terminate their involvement (because of his lack of cooperation). We voluntarily chose to enter into an agreement with his father and grandmother. This agreement put Gavin’s doctor’s in charge of their visitation (specifically Dr. Mi.....). This legally binding agreement is on file in S..... County.
This will be my second adoption attempt. The first time Judge P... granted the adoption. It was appealed and overturned. We then went to the state supreme court only to lose again. The Ohio Supreme Court did not hear our case, thereby upholding the ruling of the Fifth District Court of Appeals. Gavin’s father and paternal grandmother fought feverishly to get the adoption over turned and succeeded in taking it away. But here we are almost four years have gone by and not a single child support payment has been made. In fact, they have not had any type of contact with Gavin in well over a year. Lizze and Patti (Dr. Mi...) decided to move their supervised visits to the Ma....... YWCA because it was a better fit for Gavin and his special needs. It was more of a therapeutic environment and they would help Gavin’s biological father and paternal grandmother learn how to interact with Gavin appropriately. They refused to show up at the visits as a “matter of principle” because they do not believe they need to be supervised. They allowed pride and principle to separate them from Gavin. Nick then received his 2nd DUI, went to jail and the visits stopped all together. At no time did we ever discourage them from seeing him or him from wanting to see them. To this day, Gavin’s father still has yet to set up his visits at the Ma...... YWCA.
We have recently been drug into court in Mu........ County to face contempt charges claiming we were “not allowing Pam (Gavin’s paternal grandmother) to exercise her visitation”. We have been following the S....... County Court Order to the letter (an order we all – myself, my wife, Gavin’s biological father and paternal grandmother – agreed to follow and signed). We were found in contempt for doing so by Mu......... County court and my wife now faces jail time if she does not turn him over. We have the full support of all Gavin’s doctors in perusing this adoption again. Our lives are so fragile and Gavin’s is even more so. All we want is to be a family and move on as best we can.
Granting this adoption will allow us to do just that, move on and live as a family. Fundamentally nothing will change because I am the only father figure he has ever known. I am the one he goes to when he is scared. I am the one that shields him from all of this needless court drama. I have seen him through all the broken promises and missed visits. We have made up countless excuses for why his biological father and grandmother will not come to see him. All while ensuring Gavin that it’s not his fault. We tell him they have “homework” to do before they see him at the new visitation. For a while he would ask us why they weren’t doing their homework. Eventually he stopped asking and now rarely ever mentions them anymore. Believe it or not that’s heart breaking for me as father. God has given him many challenges in life already, he doesn’t need this one.
Nothing will change the fact that I am his father, even though he calls me his “Robby”. I have never encouraged him to call me dad because that’s just a name and it means nothing. I know what he means when he calls me “his Robby”. No matter what happens I will still be here doing the same things I have been doing for 7 years, along with my wife. I will never be one of those who abandon him, never. I will be here waiting patiently for the next time Gavin finds his way through the fog. I will try to reach out and grab his hand and hold on to him for that moment because it is so precious. I will try very hard to remember to ask him if he’s happy, if he knows we love him and how lucky we are to have him. I just need to know he is happy with his life, that he knows how much I love him and how proud I am to be a part of his life. I want him to know if there was a way I could take all of this away from him I would. Sadly, I know I cannot take this burden from him but I will walk by his side through his entire journey. I absolutely believe that if anyone can rise above these difficulties it will be Gavin and I will be here for him no matter what happens.
I humbly ask, please grant Gavin and me this adoption and help me to put this all behind us. Please help me give Gavin the stability and consistency that he so desperately needs and deserves. Please help us give him a fighting chance.
Respectfully,
Lost and Tired
I removed any identifying information.......
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What does it mean to be a father?
I have been asked the question, Why do I want to adopt Gavin?
This should be very simple to answer but it is not. There is so much going on in our lives that I do not really know how to answer this question anymore. In truth I have been working on this letter for quite some time. There is so much joy and pain involved in writing this. I wanted to take my time and do right by Gavin, so here it goes.
Let me start by introducing myself, I am Rob. I am almost 30 years old today. I am a husband of 5 years to my amazing wife Lizze and a father to my two miracle babies Elliott Richard (2 years) and Emmett John (7 weeks). I met Lizze a few months before September 11, 2001. I was at the tail end of paramedic school and about to suffer a major, life changing back injury. We met each other while walking our dogs at the park. There was a connection right away. We waited a while before I met Gavin.
The first time I met him was at Meldrum’s, a restaurant in Mas....... I met them there for dinner. Gavin and I bonded instantly. This was uncommon for him as he was very shy. While we sat there coloring and waiting for our food he spilled an entire glass of ice cold lemonade in my lap. Lizze thought for sure I was gone after that. I never really told her but that was the moment I fell in love with her. We were married about 2 years later.
Since the day I met Gavin I have taken responsibility for every aspect of his life. Not because I had to, because I wanted to. Lizze and I have raised him together since then.
What does it mean to be a father?
I would like to introduce you to Gavin now. Gavin is 8 years and 7 months today. He is a sweet, compassionate, loving and selfless little boy whom I’ve had the privilege of raising as my own since he was about 1 1/2 years old. Gavin loves to build with his Lego’s and draw his comic books. Gavin has been through more in his short time on this Earth then most people will in a life time. He has been the middle of a tug of war for almost 8 years. We have fought very hard to shield him from this, insure his best interests and to get him the help he needs, which most recently included a DNA case in S.....County Family Court against Gavin’s biological father and paternal grandmother; which was triggered by Gavin’s doctors.
Gavin was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome in 2005 by Dr. Lee....lds and A....Children’s Hospital. Asperger’s is a form of Autism. Gavin has also been diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD, OCD, and Sensory Integration Disorder. Recently we have been treating him for bipolar disorder as well. Every day is literally a struggle to survive. Gavin is emotionally about 3 years of age. We live in a world where Gavin “melts down” over everything. As he gets bigger and stronger he is getting much more difficult to manage. Words cannot describe how difficult this summer has been. He was extremely difficult to manage and has more recently become very violent. Gavin hurts himself when he gets angry or frustrated. He is very dangerous to be around when he is raging. We have built our lives around Gavin’s needs. Meeting Gavin’s needs requires great sacrifice from all of us. We have involved every available means of support in order meet his needs. This is extremely difficult to do because what’s best for Gavin is rarely what’s best for Emmett and Elliott. Finding a balance that allows us to keep everyone safe is very challenging.
We have once again begun discussing a residential treatment program for medical stabilization with his doctors because we have to ensure the safety of everyone in the house, including Gavin. When things are out of his control, he panics and lashes out but he would never hurt anyone on purpose. That being said, when he lashes out and melts down, anyone and anything in his path will be collateral damage. We have been working with Dr. Patti ........and Dr. R....ds (for years) to try to stabilize him. For several years we were taking Gavin to 5 or 6 appointments per week.
His Doctors have told us many times that we have done everything that we can possibly do for him. They constantly re-assure us and help us get up back up when things get really bad and we begin to doubt ourselves. We have found a very delicate balance in our lives that has allowed us to tread water. This balance has required great sacrifice on our part. Gavin can rarely be taken anywhere because of his behaviors. We need multiple baby sitters if Lizze and I ever leave to go anywhere (which rarely happens). He has no real friends because he cannot connect with other children and because it isn’t safe for them. He struggles with most social situations and really struggles with expressing himself. We do our best to provide him with a safe environment where ever he goes. We do all of this and more for him while still keeping the best interests of our other 2 children at the forefront of our minds. Things are extremely difficult but we pull together as a family and we push forward because no one gets left behind. Elliott in many ways has become Gavin’s “big brother”. We have worked so hard to give Gavin a chance to live a quality life and reach his potential. We have found him a great school. He attends S....... Academy. Every one of the teachers and staff are angels. They have made such a difference in his life as well as our own. Lizze and I are very active in the school as she is the president of the PTA. All of this has helped manage the situation but as terrible as it sounds the Gavin we knew died many years ago. What is left is a little boy who is lost in his own imagination. A little boy who rarely makes any real connections with anyone. A child who struggles in every aspect of his life. We no longer live in the same place at the same time, if that makes sense.
I cannot begin to describe the pain of losing a child to Autism. I catch myself thinking back to when he was little. I try to remember if there was something I missed. Have I failed him? What could I have done differently? I always come to the same one wish. I wish I could go back to when he was 2 or 3 and I took him fishing for the first time at Pr.... Park. He caught a blue gill all by himself. He was so proud and so happy that day. That is the day I always return to. That was one the best and worst days of my life all at the same time. It was great because we had so much fun and I was so proud of him. We were connected that day. We were in the same place at the same time. It was the worst day because that was the last day I can remember we had like that. He began slipping away after that (although we were not sure why at the time). I wish I could go back and make that day last just a little while longer. I wish I would have known that would be one of the last times we would have to spend together in that place. That place where we were connected and he knew I loved him. I wish I could have said goodbye. It seems like the next day I woke up and everything was different. I am really struggling to write this because I try not to think about those days because I cannot stop crying. It hurts to cry anymore. I miss him so much.
Even though I live with him every day we are not connected the same way anymore. Gavin likes to spend his time alone in his room working on his Lego inventions with his imaginary friends. That seems to make him happy. We are told that Gavin does not perceive things like we do. I often wonder if he knows how much we love him. We tell him all the time but I do not think he gets it. We constantly worry about his future. We worry about everything.
Probably the most difficult part about this whole thing is we know he is still in there. Every once in a while we get a glimpse of him. It’s like he’s trapped inside the fog but sometimes he fights his way through and we get our little boy back. These glimpses last only a few moments and before you realize it they are gone. Patti (Dr.....) calls it the Swiss cheese effect. Sometimes all the holes line up and we can see through. We live for those moments. They are few and far between.
I love Gavin for who he is and morn for who he was. I would never try to change him to fit a mold. I try to guide him though his journey as safely as possible. I have been there for him through everything. I have been there for all the nightmares, meltdowns and injuries. I have also been there for all the little victories like brushing his teeth and getting himself dressed for school. I was there for all his karate awards and school plays. I have been to all his appointments and to pick him up from school. I have made sure the tooth fairy does not forget to visit. I make sure he has clothes to wear, food to eat, and a roof over his head. I make sure that the spaghetti sauce does not have any “specks” in it because I know he will not eat it if he sees “specks” of seasoning. I make sure our house is as safe for him as possible. I gave up my career so I could work out of my house because Gavin requires Lizze and me both to be there. I sold most of my possessions so I could give him what he needs. I have made countless sacrifices in my life so I could meet his needs better and be there for him. I live each and every day in constant physical pain because of my back injury but I push through it because my wife and children need me to. We have gone bankrupt in the process. The only help we ever receive is from our families and Gavin’s amazing doctors and teachers. These people amaze us because they don’t have to get into the trenches with us but they do anyway because Gavin has touched their lives. We have received no help from his biological father. Gavin’s father is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He has shown up to court in S...... County twice over the legal limit and has 2 DUI’s. He has yet to our knowledge completed any drug and alcohol counseling and or treatment. He also did not complete his DNA case plan after almost 2years. This is why Jobs and Families finally moved to terminate their involvement (because of his lack of cooperation). We voluntarily chose to enter into an agreement with his father and grandmother. This agreement put Gavin’s doctor’s in charge of their visitation (specifically Dr. Mi.....). This legally binding agreement is on file in S..... County.
This will be my second adoption attempt. The first time Judge P... granted the adoption. It was appealed and overturned. We then went to the state supreme court only to lose again. The Ohio Supreme Court did not hear our case, thereby upholding the ruling of the Fifth District Court of Appeals. Gavin’s father and paternal grandmother fought feverishly to get the adoption over turned and succeeded in taking it away. But here we are almost four years have gone by and not a single child support payment has been made. In fact, they have not had any type of contact with Gavin in well over a year. Lizze and Patti (Dr. Mi...) decided to move their supervised visits to the Ma....... YWCA because it was a better fit for Gavin and his special needs. It was more of a therapeutic environment and they would help Gavin’s biological father and paternal grandmother learn how to interact with Gavin appropriately. They refused to show up at the visits as a “matter of principle” because they do not believe they need to be supervised. They allowed pride and principle to separate them from Gavin. Nick then received his 2nd DUI, went to jail and the visits stopped all together. At no time did we ever discourage them from seeing him or him from wanting to see them. To this day, Gavin’s father still has yet to set up his visits at the Ma...... YWCA.
We have recently been drug into court in Mu........ County to face contempt charges claiming we were “not allowing Pam (Gavin’s paternal grandmother) to exercise her visitation”. We have been following the S....... County Court Order to the letter (an order we all – myself, my wife, Gavin’s biological father and paternal grandmother – agreed to follow and signed). We were found in contempt for doing so by Mu......... County court and my wife now faces jail time if she does not turn him over. We have the full support of all Gavin’s doctors in perusing this adoption again. Our lives are so fragile and Gavin’s is even more so. All we want is to be a family and move on as best we can.
Granting this adoption will allow us to do just that, move on and live as a family. Fundamentally nothing will change because I am the only father figure he has ever known. I am the one he goes to when he is scared. I am the one that shields him from all of this needless court drama. I have seen him through all the broken promises and missed visits. We have made up countless excuses for why his biological father and grandmother will not come to see him. All while ensuring Gavin that it’s not his fault. We tell him they have “homework” to do before they see him at the new visitation. For a while he would ask us why they weren’t doing their homework. Eventually he stopped asking and now rarely ever mentions them anymore. Believe it or not that’s heart breaking for me as father. God has given him many challenges in life already, he doesn’t need this one.
Nothing will change the fact that I am his father, even though he calls me his “Robby”. I have never encouraged him to call me dad because that’s just a name and it means nothing. I know what he means when he calls me “his Robby”. No matter what happens I will still be here doing the same things I have been doing for 7 years, along with my wife. I will never be one of those who abandon him, never. I will be here waiting patiently for the next time Gavin finds his way through the fog. I will try to reach out and grab his hand and hold on to him for that moment because it is so precious. I will try very hard to remember to ask him if he’s happy, if he knows we love him and how lucky we are to have him. I just need to know he is happy with his life, that he knows how much I love him and how proud I am to be a part of his life. I want him to know if there was a way I could take all of this away from him I would. Sadly, I know I cannot take this burden from him but I will walk by his side through his entire journey. I absolutely believe that if anyone can rise above these difficulties it will be Gavin and I will be here for him no matter what happens.
I humbly ask, please grant Gavin and me this adoption and help me to put this all behind us. Please help me give Gavin the stability and consistency that he so desperately needs and deserves. Please help us give him a fighting chance.
Respectfully,
Lost and Tired
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Anyone out there looking for a nice video camera?
I just put up our video camera on ebay to help generate some funds. If you are interested or know someone who might be check our my ebay auction. If not well that's cool to.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=200454571997
Thanks
Lost and Tired
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=200454571997
Thanks
Lost and Tired
Saturday, March 20, 2010
What life is like part 3
When you have a special needs child like Gavin your social life goes out the window. I consider myself lucky if I get to watch Law in Order that was DVR'd a week ago. Most of our friends and some of our family are already gone. No one understands that you can't just get a sitter or that it's not a good idea to bring Gavin to whatever is going on. In order to get a sitter we have to keep in mind what Gavin my be like while your gone. We usually try to send Elliott Richard and Emmett John to one place while Gavin goes somewhere else. We are never comfortable sending all the kids to the same place (except in emergencies).
If we can barely handle Gavin then there is simply no way we can expect anyone else to.
So as you can imagine we don't get out very often if ever. It takes its toll on you after awhile. Lizze and I have been together for 9 years and are lucky to get to dinner and a movie once a year or so at the most.
It's hard to watch people disappearing from our lives because either they don't understand our lives or get tired of us having to turn down invites.
We have learned to rarely if ever make plans for the future because something always comes up. People start to take things personally when you cancel at the last minute because Gavin is having a meltdown. Believe me I would rather be anywhere then trapped at home while the entire house is literally shaking from Gavin freaking out.
Most importantly we learn to be alone. We became isolated after awhile and not by choice. It just works out that way.
To be continued.....
Lost and Tired
If we can barely handle Gavin then there is simply no way we can expect anyone else to.
So as you can imagine we don't get out very often if ever. It takes its toll on you after awhile. Lizze and I have been together for 9 years and are lucky to get to dinner and a movie once a year or so at the most.
It's hard to watch people disappearing from our lives because either they don't understand our lives or get tired of us having to turn down invites.
We have learned to rarely if ever make plans for the future because something always comes up. People start to take things personally when you cancel at the last minute because Gavin is having a meltdown. Believe me I would rather be anywhere then trapped at home while the entire house is literally shaking from Gavin freaking out.
Most importantly we learn to be alone. We became isolated after awhile and not by choice. It just works out that way.
To be continued.....
Lost and Tired
Some quiet time with the kids
We are enjoying some quiet time around the house with the kids while Gavin is sick. When Gavin is sick he tends to sleep through the day. This gives us a break from all that he can entail. I know that sounds bad to most people but I know some of you out there understand exactly what I mean. We don't want him sick but we will still take advantage of the reprieve we get while he sleeps.
Lost and Tired
Lost and Tired
Friday, March 12, 2010
Recovery
The surgery only took about 25 minutes. Everything went well. She is in recovery for about 2 hours and then I can see her.
We can then go home and she can eat but they said she will prolly sleep today and Saturday. Maybe I can get caught up on house work.
Lost and Tired
We can then go home and she can eat but they said she will prolly sleep today and Saturday. Maybe I can get caught up on house work.
Lost and Tired
we are off to the hospital
We have been up for a while now and are leaving to go check in to the hospital
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