It has already begun. Gavin had a meltdown because we caught him trying to pull one over on us. He wanted to go to the attic and get some toys under the guise of "giving it to Elliott for his birthday". I told him no for right now. He wanted to get the toys for himself and not for Elliott. Sometime I can read him like a book. I told him I know what he was trying to do and it wasn't a good choice. So he lost it because he knew he was busted. Then the "fun" began. He started smacking himself in the face and jumping up and down. This is all for show and we know that. He is choosing to do this and could stop at any point. We have proved this time and time again.
He woke up Lizze and Emmett John so I sent him to his room till lunch. I gave him many chances to calm himself. He continued to be dangerous to himself and others so I told him by continuing to do what he was doing he was choosing to. Wait 30 minutes longer for lunch. Before he finally decided to stop he rack up a total of 1 hour. So he won't get lunch till 12:30 which really isn't that late for lunch.
We are trying to give him the best chance he has at a good life. So he has to learn now that these behaviors are not socially acceptable. We are running out of time to help him. Once he gets older he will be legally accountable for these bad choices.
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
The weekend
Gavin has slept most of the day like we knew he would. Zyprexa (sp?) has a sedative effect on him. What really crazy is that if you or I took that amount of this med we would be out for a very long time. Gavin just gets sleepy when its adjusted and that's it.
His body handles meds a lot different then most. He metabolizes them very quickly. That is one reason stabilizing him medically is so tough. It should be a relatively quiet weekend.
Elliott Richard turns 4 years old next week. I can't believe it has been 4 years already.
Got to start thinking about dinner.
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
His body handles meds a lot different then most. He metabolizes them very quickly. That is one reason stabilizing him medically is so tough. It should be a relatively quiet weekend.
Elliott Richard turns 4 years old next week. I can't believe it has been 4 years already.
Got to start thinking about dinner.
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
TGIF
We kept Gavin home from school today because he started his increased dose (double) of his anti-psychotic. This will have him sleeping for most of the day. There is no point sending him if all he will do is sleep. So hopefully by monday most of the sleepiness will be gone.
All the kids are in a mood this morning. Elliott Richard wouldn't go to sleep last night and Emmett John wouldn't stay asleep last night. So Lizze and I didn't get much sleep either (par for the course).
Maggie chewed off her bandage last night but seems to be doing ok. She ran through broken glass the other day (that someone threw into our yard) and shredded her back foot. She is doing much better now.
That's it for now..
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
All the kids are in a mood this morning. Elliott Richard wouldn't go to sleep last night and Emmett John wouldn't stay asleep last night. So Lizze and I didn't get much sleep either (par for the course).
Maggie chewed off her bandage last night but seems to be doing ok. She ran through broken glass the other day (that someone threw into our yard) and shredded her back foot. She is doing much better now.
That's it for now..
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Quick update
This has been a really long week. We met with the school to discuss teachers. That went really well. Gavin had Dr. R yesterday. He is defiantly manic. Waiting on blood work in order to address bipolar meds.
We learned that Gavin has an actual God complex. It is part of the bipolar. He starts increased anti-psycotics in the morning. He had a rough day today so hopefully friday will be better.
Both Elliott and Emmett's sleep cycles are thrown off. They are up around 5am each morning like clockwork.
Speaking of Emmett John he goes to the children's hospital on the 29th of March for the ABR testing. We also located sign language classes for us.
Lizze is still adjusting to her meds increase but is hanging in there.
That's it for now...
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
We learned that Gavin has an actual God complex. It is part of the bipolar. He starts increased anti-psycotics in the morning. He had a rough day today so hopefully friday will be better.
Both Elliott and Emmett's sleep cycles are thrown off. They are up around 5am each morning like clockwork.
Speaking of Emmett John he goes to the children's hospital on the 29th of March for the ABR testing. We also located sign language classes for us.
Lizze is still adjusting to her meds increase but is hanging in there.
That's it for now...
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Frustrated
Its been a bit since I posted but I have just been to tired and overwhelmed. Things are about as bad as they have been. Gavin is manic and we can't get in to see his doctor till march. As a result the stress level is through the roof. He picked up a full 5 gallon water jug and tried to hurl it yesterday. He was mad because we caught him lying to us.
Lizze is really struggling with her fibro and everything that goes along with that. Pain management has doubled all of her meds so she is extremely sleepy all the time and impossible to wake up. But she is in so much pain all the time it's very difficult to watch her move around because you can see how much pain she is in. She really should be on disability we just haven't pursued it yet. It would make her treatment a lot easier. She was diagnosed by one of the top doctors in the country after exhaustive testing.
We spend most of our time at home. I really wish we had more physical help from my family. I wish my family would seek to spend time with our kids without me having to ask. No one lives more then 10 mins away. I know some are in grad school which so its understandable but not everyone is. Some do what they can but the reality is that it's not enough. We are so beaten down and have nothing left to give.
We get very little sleep because Emmett John is still adjusting to not being able to hear. Elliott Richard is waiting for school to start as soon as there is an opening for his age. He needs a better example then Gavin for social interaction. I hate the idea of him going to school because he is growing up so fast but he needs this and so it's important.
I wish I could be more confidant about our future. It's hard to see the positives in light of all the negatives. My back is in the worse shape its been in since I got hurt almost 10 years ago on a call as a fire medic. I don't know what the future holds but it doesn't feel like its going to be very good.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Lizze is really struggling with her fibro and everything that goes along with that. Pain management has doubled all of her meds so she is extremely sleepy all the time and impossible to wake up. But she is in so much pain all the time it's very difficult to watch her move around because you can see how much pain she is in. She really should be on disability we just haven't pursued it yet. It would make her treatment a lot easier. She was diagnosed by one of the top doctors in the country after exhaustive testing.
We spend most of our time at home. I really wish we had more physical help from my family. I wish my family would seek to spend time with our kids without me having to ask. No one lives more then 10 mins away. I know some are in grad school which so its understandable but not everyone is. Some do what they can but the reality is that it's not enough. We are so beaten down and have nothing left to give.
We get very little sleep because Emmett John is still adjusting to not being able to hear. Elliott Richard is waiting for school to start as soon as there is an opening for his age. He needs a better example then Gavin for social interaction. I hate the idea of him going to school because he is growing up so fast but he needs this and so it's important.
I wish I could be more confidant about our future. It's hard to see the positives in light of all the negatives. My back is in the worse shape its been in since I got hurt almost 10 years ago on a call as a fire medic. I don't know what the future holds but it doesn't feel like its going to be very good.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Thursday, February 11, 2010
TGIF
Today has been the longest ever. Everyone seems to be on edge. No one seems to be sleeping well. Emmett John appears to be getting sick again. Elliott Richard is bored and suffering from cabin fever.
Things have been sort of uneventful the past day or so. Which is good, obviously. But today went down hill pretty quick. Gavin was sitting on the couch watching TV this afternoon with us. Elliott Richard was sitting on the couch also. Next thing we know Elliott Richard is curled up nest to Gavin and Gavin has both arms around him with his hands on Elliott Richards butt. Gavin announced to everyone in the room to look at him because he was snuggling Elliott Richard and don't they look cute. We removed Elliott Richard right away ( I'm not even sure how this happened, we were right there) and pulled Gavin away and demanded to know what he was doing. We reminded him once again of the rules and he (once again) said he knew he wasn't allowed to do that but he did it anyway.
Gavin has been sent to his room and he will have no contact with anyone especially the kids until this weekend. He will eat in his room. He can use the bathroom, play with his toys and even read. He just has no contact. This is critical because if he does these things when he is older he can and will go to jail. This is the only deterrent we have left to use as nothing else works. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. We'll see how Friday goes. There is no school tomorrow.
I finished rebuilding my new Intel i7 core tower this week. Finally got everything tweaked out nicely. This thing is a monster. That was a nice distraction for a bit. Lizze has been working on these medical books for the Gavin and Emmett John. We want to have all their records and medical information in one place. They each will have thick binder with all the medical history inside. This will make keeping track of things much easier. They both frequent their various specialists so this will be a big help. Elliott Richard was the one with the roughest start and he has zero health problems. This project has kept her busy for the past few days.
Please let tomorrow be easier.
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Yeah Super Bowl Commercials
This has been a rough weekend. Gavin is extremely manic. Lizze and I are losing our minds. He is all over the place. He asks the same questions over and over again. The rest of the time he doesn't make any sense.
We were supposed to celebrate my mother's and Gavin's birthday. It got moved from my parents house to my brothers house due to the snow (no where to park). We let Elliott Richard go with my sister but the rest of us stayed back. We knew Gavin wouldn't make it. We can't take any more right now so we stayed home. Gavin has had a rough day and that would have pushed him even farther over the edge. He has to be at school in the morning.
I kinda feel like people don't really understand why things have to be the way they are. It makes it harder to make these types of decisions. Ultimately we do what's best for us directly. I have to trust that everyone understand's it has nothing to do with them. But we lost my wife's adoptive family because they never understood. We have lost almost all our friends because we have to live our lives in a way were everything is black and white.
Gavin only understands black and white. The answer can only ever be yes or no. So there is no wiggle room on anything. Most people can't and/or won't understand. It makes life very lonely for all of us.
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
We were supposed to celebrate my mother's and Gavin's birthday. It got moved from my parents house to my brothers house due to the snow (no where to park). We let Elliott Richard go with my sister but the rest of us stayed back. We knew Gavin wouldn't make it. We can't take any more right now so we stayed home. Gavin has had a rough day and that would have pushed him even farther over the edge. He has to be at school in the morning.
I kinda feel like people don't really understand why things have to be the way they are. It makes it harder to make these types of decisions. Ultimately we do what's best for us directly. I have to trust that everyone understand's it has nothing to do with them. But we lost my wife's adoptive family because they never understood. We have lost almost all our friends because we have to live our lives in a way were everything is black and white.
Gavin only understands black and white. The answer can only ever be yes or no. So there is no wiggle room on anything. Most people can't and/or won't understand. It makes life very lonely for all of us.
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Friday, February 5, 2010
Life goes on
Gavin seems to be going through another psychotic break. He is leaving reality behind and entering his imaginary world. He also seems manic at the same time. He has become very disorganized and very easily agitated. He has become a little "smart ass" for lack of better words. He is rude and disrespectful. It's even more frustrating because he has no idea what we have been through for him over the past 10 years. We have sacrificed everything for him. We did it cause we love him. For more info on that check out my wife's blog. http://cheerioconfessions.blogspot.com
Elliott Richard is all over the place and exhausting. Emmett John is his little partner in crime. Lizze's fibro medications aren't working anymore so they were just doubled. That means she will VERY sleepy for the next 2 weeks. Hopefully they will help to control her pain.
There are only 4 kids ahead of Emmett John on the list for the ABR test at the children's hospital. We are still looking at March but at least we know it's there.
We are about to get 12 inches of snow today so I need to go get ready.
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Elliott Richard is all over the place and exhausting. Emmett John is his little partner in crime. Lizze's fibro medications aren't working anymore so they were just doubled. That means she will VERY sleepy for the next 2 weeks. Hopefully they will help to control her pain.
There are only 4 kids ahead of Emmett John on the list for the ABR test at the children's hospital. We are still looking at March but at least we know it's there.
We are about to get 12 inches of snow today so I need to go get ready.
Lost and Tired
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Overwhelmed
I have reached the point where I think I'm actually going to crack. Lizze and I both are on the far side of our limits. Lizze is in a fibro flare so bad she can't literally can’t move without tears streaming down her face. My back went out again a few days ago.
Gavin is in the middle of a manic phase. He is up all night running in circles and playing with toys. He’s losing his grip on reality. He’s back in his imaginary world. In this world he’s the ruler of 9 other worlds. He is consistently destroying the evil enemies. He says he can “smell their dark evil”. When he is in this place he can’t remember anything (he remembers even less the usual). He has no fear and an even lesser sense of right and wrong then he typically does.
Gavin has hit puberty so his meds need to be adjusted again. The problem is that it took us almost 3 or 4 years to find this dose that seemed to kind of work. He metabolizes his meds in a very strange fashion. Meds tend to only work for a VERY short time. He reaches the max limit and then has to be switched. We have a very difficult time finding a balance of meds and therapy that helps keep him grounded in reality..
Lost and Tired
Gavin is in the middle of a manic phase. He is up all night running in circles and playing with toys. He’s losing his grip on reality. He’s back in his imaginary world. In this world he’s the ruler of 9 other worlds. He is consistently destroying the evil enemies. He says he can “smell their dark evil”. When he is in this place he can’t remember anything (he remembers even less the usual). He has no fear and an even lesser sense of right and wrong then he typically does.
Gavin has hit puberty so his meds need to be adjusted again. The problem is that it took us almost 3 or 4 years to find this dose that seemed to kind of work. He metabolizes his meds in a very strange fashion. Meds tend to only work for a VERY short time. He reaches the max limit and then has to be switched. We have a very difficult time finding a balance of meds and therapy that helps keep him grounded in reality..
Lost and Tired
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